About Me: How I Became A Stay-At-Home-Dad

At the time of this writing (late January 2009), I’m the father of 2 wonderful “kids”, I’m 44 years old, and I live in San Jose, CA (“the Bay Area”).

And I’m now a Stay-At-Home-Father.

My daughter, Jill, is hardly a kid any longer. She’s 22.5 years old, lives in Boulder, CO, and is independent and self-sufficient. I don’t count her age in months any longer, but I will give her credit for that last half-year when bragging to you. Jill works full-time for Marriott and leads a very active social life (where was Facebook when I was young?). The greatest praise I can give anyone is that they are a “Good Person” – and you can imagine all that that entails. Jill is that, and so much more. Jill is the love of my life.

My son, Nathan (aka “Nate”), is barely a kid. He’s 5 days old right now and depriving his Mom and Dad of sleep at every opportunity, and every opportunity seems to hit about every two hours. Still, he’s super awesome, and not particularly independent (yet). Nate is also the love of my life.

When Jill was born, I was a young man, just 21 years of age. I married Jill’s Mom when I was even younger still, at 18 years of age. Jill arrived just a few months after I graduated college, where I studied Computer Science at the University of Illinois. My “work” was already in full-swing as I joined a startup company and became a full-time at-work Father with no real parental training, supporting Jill’s Stay-At-Home-Mom and Jill as best I could. It was the classic American family story. Dad goes to work to support the family.

But, my American story was a bit better than most, at least when it comes to participating in my child’s upbringing. My ex-wife had a number of chronic illnesses when Jill was a child, and my work in the computer industry allowed for me to work part-time (half-time) from home, telecommuting. I was one of the early telecommuters, finding a way to balance work, home, family, and personal life pretty well, so that I could care for my ex-wife, and for Jill as best I could. I was able to climb the corporate ladder and advance my career while telecommuting. I was fortunate to be able to take Jill to school each day, pick her up, volunteer at school teaching Math, participate in after-school activities and overall be a pretty active part in her upbringing, even though I was the sole income provider for the family. Had I not gone to college, I would have never had such an opportunity to be so involved with my child’s upbringing.

Still, I was the family’s sole income provider. That was my role. That was where a ton of my attention and focus had to go for us to survive and thrive. My ex-wife’s role was to be Jill’s full-time Mom. We both did our roles to the best of our abilities, and Jill is a daughter we are both very proud of.

My first marriage ended after 20 years and my career brought me to San Jose, CA, where I was part of the founding team for my third software startup. I went on to subsequently become a consultant, working for myself. I now spend my “work” time helping really early-stage starting companies raise Venture Capital money in the Bay Area. This gives me the freedom to work from home and adjust my schedule to meet my needs. I can work a lot or a little, and the income/rewards tend to follow accordingly.

Which brings me to my second marriage. The wonderful side-effect of moving to San Jose was that I met my wife, Amy. We met on eHarmony, if you can believe that. She also works in the Venture Capital community. She’s an amazing woman and we’re a really great match. We met in early 2005, took a month-long vacation together to New Zealand in 2006, married in 2007, got pregnant in 2008, and had a beautiful baby boy, Nate, in January of 2009.

I’m extremely lucky.

Amy has a full-time job that does require that she be at the office in Menlo Park. She’s got the steady income. My income currently comes and goes based on the performance of the startup companies that I help. My consulting practice does have incredible flexibility, however. We wanted one of us to be a full-time stay-at-home parent, and it made the most sense for me to assume that role for our new baby boy.

Being a full-time Stay-At-Home-Father, and preparing for such during Amy’s pregnancy, has certainly been a scary proposition for me. I might be able to run businesses with teams of dozens of people working for me, but do I have the mental and physical fortitude to take care of one child who requires my focused attention 24-hours a day?

I continue to be scared, but I’m very excited to find out.

Amy returns to work in 2 months, then it’s all on me. Dad. At-home. Alone with baby. Doing all the “Mom” things. And you know what? I’m really looking forward to it.

As I write this, Nate enters his 6th day of life and looks to be super healthy. My full-grown adult daughter is thrilled that she now has a little brother, and will have one for the rest of her life. The future looks bright. This new path of mine has already been extremely fulfilling to me.

And, if I haven’t said it already, I’m an extremely lucky man.

2009 will be very interesting. I hope you stay tuned and take part in the ride with me.

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